found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
