I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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