If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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