Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
