I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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