I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
