forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
