I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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