you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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