Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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