I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
