I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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