He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
