I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
