the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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