WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize