Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize