and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
