need another drink. this is the easiest way
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
