i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dicks are not precious.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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