I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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