just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
