I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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