I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
