She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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