direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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