If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
