Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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