I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
