he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
