Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
