Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
honey bunches of taint.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
