I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
