I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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