So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
