Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
