I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
