Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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