I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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