no, he came in my armpit
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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