Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
