Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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