Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize