I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
