did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
