She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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