I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
