Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
