I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
