can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
