so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
