Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
