They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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