she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
