Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
