I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
