note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
