how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
