Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
