your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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