She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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