like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
