My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
