I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
