So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
