her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
