she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
