When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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