I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
