we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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