It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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