Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
