Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
