His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
