Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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