I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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