i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
